I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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