He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
