I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
