Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
