before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
