Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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