HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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