you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
