the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize