so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
