he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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