so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
