in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
