If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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