So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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