Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
