Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
