I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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