dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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