Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
