It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize