Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
