She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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