Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
