Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
