It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
