tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The Olympian is in my bed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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