Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
