i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
