I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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