Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
