mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
