ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
