So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
