he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
