Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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