I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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