When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
