Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
