Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
