I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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