Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
