Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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