and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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