youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die, sorry about rent.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
