Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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