my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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