TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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