We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize