We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
