He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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