i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
