I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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