just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
