You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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