Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
