I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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