Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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