Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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