I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
