He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
