once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
