My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
