I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
