I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
