So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize