epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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