You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
