I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
