How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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