literally had 100 drinks last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
