That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
accomplished twins. life is a go
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sext me about skeletons
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
