You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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