Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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