I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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