Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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