dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
