There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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