I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
