I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
