Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's the barista slut.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
