You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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