Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
