My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
