Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
